We have all felt insecure at one time or another!
Insecurity is a feeling of helplessness or feeling overwhelmed by the situation we are in.
A feeling of inadequacy or incompetency to deal with the task or situation we are in and being found out!
A feeling of being an outsider, never really fitting into or being part of a group or team.
The feeling of not deserving anything nice in your life finding it difficult to accept your own success and achievement.
Insecurity, are moments of self doubt and questioning that eat away at our confidence and leave us feeling defeated before we have even begun.
Feeling insecure make us feel so out of control at times.
We learn to make excuses. To cover up those feeling of inadequacy with some very sophisticated behaviour patterns and defence mechanism that protect us.
These things make us feel more confident and less vulnerable by turning us into someone we would like to be (perfectionism)instead of being true to who we really are. Often not really having a clue who we really are as we consistently reject our true selves.
At the core of us feeling insecure is a negative belief, I am not good enough!
This belief attacks our identity, authority and position as a person.
This belief makes us feel vulnerable and inadequate.
At the core of us is an insecure child locked in an adult’s body. This causes inner conflict.
The conflict is between the adult we are now or would like to be. And the unhappy, unloved child within is screaming for the attention we still need and didn’t get in our childhood.
Why this happens!
We often become more aware of our Insecurity in adulthood when we lose a job or a loved one, become divorced or every time we get into a new relationship or meet new people.
In our childhood we are given the wrong message.
The negative message comes through a lack of love or wrong love language used, neglect, trauma, violence, accident or abuse.
This will happen directly to the child or happens around them during their childhood.
As children we instinctively blame ourselves for things that go wrong in our lives or in our environment. For example children whose parents divorce will blame themselves for it instead of understanding that it was their parents choice.
Children who are abused will blame themselves for being abused instead of blaming the abuser or Children whose parents spend little time, emotional bonding with them. Will see themselves at fault for being unlovable!
These situations are hard to deal with for anyone at any age but especially for a child. Leaving them feeling hurt emotionally and very confused. Our minds are creative and can produce self protecting behaviour mechanisms and patterns that make us feel safer but are as effective as putting a plaster on a broken limb. Makes you feel better, but does heal the brokenness you feel inside.
Why make the change!
At the core of Insecurity is the belief;
· I am not good enough!
· If people really knew me they would not like me!
· I am not loveable!
· I am a failure!
· I can’t do this/ I don't deserve this!
· I will never be respected!
· Nobody likes me!
· Everyone else is better than me!
· I am not rich, pretty/handsome, clever, or nice enough to be successful!
The negative self belief only encourages us to hide emotionally, creating barriers or self sabotage to keep people out of our emotional space so that they never find out the truth of how we really feel about ourselves and reject us as we reject ourselves.
We create them for the sole purpose of keeping the threat of people hurting us and emotional pain out.
Unconditional love is what we all need desire and want. It gives us the security acceptance that we need to overcome those feelings of insecurity. Hiding emotionally, barrier building and self sabotaging only continues to keep us in a state of loneliness by reinforcing the Ideas in our head that we already have. No one understands me, I am not good enough, I am not loveable, No one will like the real me!
How many times have you seen this in others?
How many times have you seen it in yourself?
- · Are you defensive? Being overly sensitive to criticism
- · Do you avoid silence? Silence in conversation or silence in a room makes you feel uncomfortable and you feel the need to fill it.
- · Do you make excessive jokes? About everything and everything in every situation whether it is an appropriate time or place or not.
- · Is your only topic of conversation when you meet people about me myself and I? You only see the value in you through your achievement or processions.
- · Are you a bully or a people pleaser? The disapproval of others makes you feel uncomfortable so try to control. with brutality or sickly sweetness.
- · Are you excessively authoritative? Spending more time trying to prove, you are in charge instead of being in charge.
- · Are you excessively Competitive? Feeling the need to always win and getting over emotional when you lose!
- · Are you excessively concerned with buying things? Surrounding yourself with material processions so you can show off. Do you still continue to buy even when you have no money?
What difference will be made by facing your Insecurity demons?
Insecurity is self destructive behaviour that harms you due to a lack of a love relationship with yourself.
It affects your relationships with the people around you. Its hard to love accept appreciate and respect another when you can't do it for yourself.
It is hard to have a positive long lasting relationship with anyone who believes that they are not loveable. They never believe anything you say. Do you believe it when your told you are loved? Not accepting the truth leads to conflict, jealousy, withdrawing or abuse in an attempt to feel more secure.
You maybe a boss or have a boss or an employer/employee that refuses to listen, to delegate work to others or gets overly sensitive when others constructively criticises. Causing an uncomfortable atmosphere caused by fear of how someone will react.
Why?
- · You became a victim of fear and try to control through excessive anger or niceness!
- · Become paranoid about what others maybe thinking and feeling about you.
- · Give the wrong impression to others. Instead of showing a confidence you. You will be seen as uppity, aloof, shy, angry or hostile. Whatever false persona you give off to protect yourself from hurt.
- · Have a problem meeting new people.
- · Being passed over for promotions or other forms of advancement at work!
Insecurity is a choice!
Choosing to be insecure only hurts you. Leading to relationship breakdowns.
Insecurity within companies breaks down team spirit reducing production and efficacy.
Can you really afford to let Insecurity control your life and the life of others around you?
If you would like to make the change and have the freedom from the fear factor.
Contact me today and let me continue to support and help you to understand identify and change moments of Insecurity.
Bx
