I remember the first book I received when I could read for myself. My Auntie brought it for me at a school book fair. It was called ‘The Princess and the Frog’. A fairytale set in a beautiful enchanted forest, where the princess is happily playing with her beautiful golden ball, when it falls into the river.
The Frog offers to go get it for her but only if she promises to kiss him. As the story unfolds the Frog gets the golden ball. The Princess promptly forgets her promise and the Frog pursues her to the palace. It took him a while to get there, due to his little Frogs legs but he was determined to reach his destination and reach his goal. When he arrives, the king insists the Princess keeps her promise. So with a lot of hesitation and stalling, she kisses The Frog and he becomes a handsome Prince and they all live happily ever after.
When I went to High School, one of my male teachers (yes I fancied him) was married to a feminist and I was introduce for the first time, to alternative fairy tales and because I wanted to impress him, I read them. (Emm trying to please men, another behaviour pattern I need to look at.) These were the kind of fairytale, where the Princess is beautiful, brave and courageous. She saves the Prince, the kingdom and lives happily ever after often without the prince.
I remember getting quite angry as I read them this was not how I wanted my life to be. I wanted to marry the Prince. Life without a Prince was not an option.
I wanted the Prince to come charging in and rescue me. Not me rescues him!
As I got older films like ‘Pretty Woman’, began to fill my imagination with the hope that one day, a very rich men would accept me for who I am, come and rescues me. If he was afraid of heights, hell yes I would have no problem rescuing him right back as long as he just kept on rescuing me.
Things just have not worked out like that!
I blame these stories and every other fairytale, that has made me think that falling in love is so easy. I should have a medal for the number of men that have asked me to kiss them. They always look like Prince Charming and promised undying love. Once kissed, somehow they always seem to turn into Frogs. Right before my eyes, instead of them rescuing me I always seem to end up rescuing them and myself, from the jaws of death pursing them to get them back and begging them to just to love me. Those Frogs legs seem to work much better in real life than in the fairy tale. They have no problems hopping off and hiding in the forest of life!
Why isn’t true love coming my way just like in the books and in the films?
If I’m honest I blamed the men. I must have thought of every excuse in the book to explain their poor behaviour and blatant lack of respect towards me and I blamed everyone and everything except me for a very long time. Although each man was very different, the same thing seemed to happen in every relationship, over and over again.
I was told one day that none of us have the power to change anyone, we only have the power to change ourselves. That statement made me think. I began to take a good long look at myself and see my negative behaviour patterns and started to take responsibility for how I allowed the men in my life to treat me. Only then did things begin to change for the better.
You see the problem was me doing the same thing each time and expecting very different results. So what I got was the same results each time which frustrated the hell out of me. Leaving me feeling sad, rejected and thinking I was unlovable.
I had to learn to rescue myself first from fear, self doubt, self loathing, self hate and self neglect. I had to make a choice to give up all those negative feeling that rob us all of good relationships, for the positives feeling of love, self respect, self discipline, hope and faith and give it to myself first. It seemed like a crazy idea at the time. I had to learn to be brave and courageous just like the Princesses in the Feminist fairytales and learn to take risks to love and be good to me. But since sometime we choose not to change in easy times I had to learn this lesson in the hard times. I was heartbroken, but not broken. I chose a new attitude, to love and made changes to love me no matter what. I am not who they say I am. I am who I believe I am and who God says I am. If I don’t think much of whom I am, no one else will think much of me either.
I would love to tell you that I have finally found Prince Charming, but I am still looking and at times still making mistakes. But I’m not kissing as many Frogs anymore and I am making the choice not to rescues them in the vain hope they will appreciate it and rescues me right back. I cannot begin to explain the difference this has made to my own self-worth and value. Men still come into my lives that make choices not to love and value who I am. The difference is, I now leave them. Knowing that there are plenty more fish in the sea and I deserve better. Making the choice to change and always love and value me and enjoy and celebrate the woman I was created to be has given me a new found confidence.
So, do I still believe in fairytale?
Yes I do still believe in fairytales. I just don’t believe in a Prince Charming coming to the rescue. I now believe I can rescue myself with a lot of help from God. Leaving my Prince Charming free to love cherish me the way I deserve to be.
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