We all are people pleaser to a certain extent.
Nothing makes us feel better than when someone
recognises and appreciates us and our efforts.
As children we learn the excitement and joy of a parents
or caregiver being enthusiastic and giving us praise as
we learn to crawl walk and talk.
It encourages and motivates us to keep trying even when
we fall over or can’t pronounce our words properly.
Our self esteem is boosted and we experience love and
acceptance an essential part of what makes us human,
helping us to grow and develop emotionally into healthy
well balanced individuals.
As an adults we still have that need. For some of us
Affirmations is one of our love Language.
“Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward.”
www.fivelovelanguages.com
Why does it become additive?
At an early stage of our emotional development, we are
given the wrong message. We begin to believe that in
order to receive praise acceptance encouragement we
have to
work, perform or achieve to receive it.
Being ourselves is just not enough!
When people pleasing becomes unhealthy and out of
balance.
We spend more time seeking the approval of others to
feel validated as
a person, in order to give our life meaning value and
worth.
We choose to please others because we fear being
rejected for being who we are by the people we come
into contact with on a daily basis.
We make a choice to be overly nice to everyone at the
expense of your own self respect.
We become obsessive about taking care of the needs of
other.
While happily neglecting your own on a regular basis,
just to be liked.
We consistently think about how others will perceive us?
Why it doesn’t work!
Being addicted to people pleasing is counterproductive.
You become less effective as a person and end up
pleasing no one when you are trying to please everyone.
Making wise decisions becomes impossible when you’re
too busy thinking about what others will think about
you.
You will often become frustrated and resentful of people
believing them to be taking advantage and demanding on
your time effort and
energy.
Signs that you maybe addicted to people pleasing;
- Someone who says yes, even when their mind says no.
- Someone who is devastated when they think someone doesn’t like them.
- Someone who would rather feel personal pain than displease another.
- Someone who cringes at the first sign of friction.
- Someone who is willing to fail in the name of pleasing another.
- Someone who has lost their own sense of unique personality and belief.
- Someone who is not willing to speak up for themselves.
- Someone who loses sleep over the slightest altercation with another.
- Someone who feels out of control when they think another human being may disagree with what they’re doing.
- Someone who starts to see their desire to please others as a separate part of themselves. Separate from the rest of who they are as an individual
www.motivatethyself.com/overcoming-people-pleasing
What can you do?
No one wants to be a push over at work or in their
relationship.
Everyone wants to feel in control over their own destiny
and choices.
Being addicted to people pleasing takes away your
freedom to do so and keeps you in a continuous cycle of
fear frustration and resentment.
Why change?
The benefit of working through this issue is that you
become a stronger wiser more productive person free
from the debilitating habit of pleasing others.
You will no longer neglect your own personal needs in
favour of the needs of others.
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